From Dua Lipa’s ‘New Rules’ to that high school break up you never got over, sadly everyone has been dumped at one time in their life. Literally everyone.
After being both the dumper and the dumpee multiple times in my life, here is some of my personal advice on dealing with a break-up.
1. Don’t talk to them
You want to, I get it. Perhaps you want to passive-aggressively assure them they made the right decision or maybe you would like one last chance to say the things you never got to, even though you wanted to. Either way, there are very few things that can sway a person’s mind once it has been made. They have put the sheet on their bed, let them mess up the covers alone.
2. Have a boyfriend bonfire
Don’t actually burn your boyfriend, please. What I mean by a ‘boyfriend bonfire’ is getting rid of all reminders if you feel comfortable enough to do so – in the words of Sherlock Holmes, “sentiment is a chemical defect found in the losing side”- it is okay to chuck away the movie tickets, the letters or the petals of the first flowers you received. It is okay to say goodbye. Allow yourself room to grow. But also understand it’s okay to remain sentimental – there is a difference between emotional constipation and doing what is necessary to move forward in life.
3. Give their stuff back
Wave goodbye to the hoodies that were too big, and the trackies that drowned your thighs. Do not allow yourself to drown in the folds of fabric that used to envelope your favourite person. Be okay with the idea that temporary sadness and shortcomings allow you to permanently happy in the future – although a jumper might not prevent this, it is amazing how removing the locusts can improve the state of the crops.
4. See your friends
Do not allow yourself to stew in your own sad juices (a gross analogy I know sorry). See your friends, go for cocktails, catch up on what happened when you were busy, say hello to the people you were friends with whilst in high school – the world is now your oyster, so explore it little pearl.
5. Go outside at least once a day
When you break up with someone it is normal, healthy in fact, so be very stressed and upset about the situation you have been plunged into. However, problems can easily arrive if you keep plunging and further spiralling down that staircase of despair – know when you are feeling unhealthy – it is amazing how much a breathe of fresh air can help to shake the cobwebs away in your head as well as your heart. Never be afraid to ask for help from family, friends, teachers, anyone – you are strong and you are more beautiful than you know – you can get through this. I promise.
6. Delete them off all social media if you can
In the day and age that we live in, it is very easy to know almost everything about someone and their life by a couple of swipes on a phone screen. After a breakup, it can be kinder to remove yourself from situations that may take you by surprise or upset you – although unfollowing someone may appear as passive aggressive or petty to your ex, you are allowed to care about your mental health and wellbeing, in whatever way that may be. By doing whatever you are doing it does not mean they have ‘won’, it just means you want to move on. Bury it and rise above.
7. Get the closure you need if possible
In whatever way, it may be possible to receive it, get it. It can literally turn the tables – just remember to stay safe and remind yourself of what you want to get out of it.
8. Get out there
I don’t necessarily mean dating or casual sex – even though both are fine if they tickle your fancy post break up – just get out of the house. Meet new people, be spontaneous, laugh with the girls in the pub toilets, wave at the children you see in the supermarket, try to say hello to one elderly person a day. Just live a little more, live a little better.
9. Family time
It can be easy for your family to take a slight backseat whenever you’re in a relationship – it’s natural when you love someone to become slightly encased in a little happy bubble. However, when things do go a little pear-shaped, there is nothing better than a cuddle and cup of tea with a loved one on the sofa. Remember who has been there for you since you were a newborn, sometimes relationships are not always 50/50, breakups shift this dynamic – remember to be there for your loved ones when their numbers shift.
10. Forgive yourself
Breakups happen. Sadly it is just a thing, a really stupid, annoying, shitty, annoying thing. Forgive the way you feel, forgive the tears you cry, forgive the hate you have in your heart, forgive the fear for the future. Trust in yourself and whatever else you believe in, that everything will work out just fine.
Broken hearts are a bitch – learn how to accept the big bad bitch into your friendship group and make her your friend – breakups are not something you can simply pile mattresses on top of and pretend they aren’t there. That would be a pretty big pea to try and sleep on. Put the mattress on the floor and go shopping on IKEA for a new bed frame.