Recent days have made me feel very unfortunate for no reason in particular. Why? No real reason. I’ve spent a very long time pouting in bed, contemplating my very short life within an inch of itself to try and figure out what on earth I am doing, have done and will do. My lack of motivation is a mixture of depression and laziness; sadly the two usually come hand in hand. However, I am trying to drag myself out of this duvet cocoon to the outside world to do something productive to some degree.
Despite being successful in everything I have achieved in my life so far I feel very lacklustre; I have never failed or got many things wrong yet this is rarely recognised by myself. I feel that, to some degree, doing nothing is the same as doing nothing which is as much of a counterproductive thought as it is a sad one. My mindset needs to improve. It has to. This is a rut but sadly still a larger one than usual.
For the first time in my life I need to enjoy gardening, however, instead of pruning flowerbeds, I need to bury every budding thought that is negative or anything of the thought. Instead of burying every thought that pops into the blank space between my ears, I need to improve my filters to accommodate more positivity. Even though I consider myself a generally positive person it can be so incredibly hard to not want to burrow between the sheets until we are one with the springs.
In the words of Eurus Holmes, ‘happiness is a pop song and sadness is a poem’. Currently, I am struggling to write both.
I invite you to consider this. Consider yourself an aspiring who just hasn’t written their “Wonderwall” yet. Your next big hit is around is a page away, so rise from between your mattress and your Star Wars bed sheets. Get writing.