Trust has always been an odd thing for me to try and wrap my head around. Why do we put so much faith in people we barely know? Alternatively, how can we barely rely on people we have known for our whole lives? I heard an analogy that explained it rather well.
Trust issues are like being stuck in a room alone, you are lonely and longing for the company but you are unable to answer the door to anyone who approaches you. During your time in this room, you have only been able to sit and watch the clutter build – swelling mountains of useless ugly things now surround you and consequently, you are suffocating under the weight of what has been left behind by your hoarding accomplice. Your accomplice has now left – leaving you with this mess, this ugly and heavy and disgusting mess. You, yourself are naturally a very tidy person so you very quickly try to rectify the mess now dirtying this once beautiful room. You did your best but sadly it is only a shadow of its formal self. Slowly, over a very long period of time, you forget your previous accomplice who neglected your room and discarded you both so carelessly. Slowly, over a very long period of time, your room is beautiful again.
Now there is a knock on the freshly painted front door. You know the person who stands behind it – they are smiling, happy, loving and wonderful in every possible way a human could be. But here you remain, on the new sofa, unable to rise to let them in. This is, in a way, a stretched metaphor for what having trust issues is like.
The hoarder is a previous lover or friend who left with you a considerable amount of emotional baggage which took a very long time to shift. They say that time is a healer, which is not untrue, however, time does leave its scars. The inability to open the door is self-explanatory in the sense that you struggle to open yourself up to others. I struggle with this personally as do many I know. I share the knowledge of the unfortunate emotions that come hand in hand with being cheated on, repeatedly lied to and abandoned for no reason other than boredom.
It gets better. It took you months perhaps years to get that room tidy, so show it off my friend. The hinges on the door become less stiff, and that sofa becomes a lot more uncomfortable. If the person behind the door gets bored then let them walk away; those who really matter and see you colourfully will be waiting patiently with a bottle of wine and your favourite pizza.
Bad things happen. People are shitty. That you sadly cannot change or control. What you can change and control, however, is how you deal with this.
In the words of the smartest mammal in the universe – “the universe is yours and I’ve never met a universe that was into it. The universe is basically an animal, it grazes on the ordinary. It creates infinite idiots just to eat them. Smart people get a chance to climb on top and take reality for a ride and it’ll never stop trying to throw you.”
Although this should be taken lightly as Rick Sanchez is fictional, there is truth in it. Do not be thrown. Break the mould.