Mental Health

Capital D

Depression. The big D that no one wants.

I would like to say that I am incredibly positive – that I thrive in every environment that I am put in and as a result of this I am incredibly social to all I approach or encounter. However, I would also be lying if I said any of the previously mentioned was true. I am depressed. I have been depressed. I am anxious. I have been anxious for a very long time. But. BUT. I am also okay. I am strong and I am brave and I have survived every single day that I thought that I would not. I am fighting every day, I am trying my best.

Sometimes, it is hard. It is hard to emerge from the metaphorical cave that you have crawled into. At this current time, I am very much struggling to get out of a rather large rut. I feel almost like a dog that has buried a bone, forgotten where the said bone is and consequently dug up the entire garden in a nervous frenzy.

Once you have opened your heart to things you cannot close it again, you cannot easily bring the edges back together to ignorantly try and reform what was once there. I have been cheated on, I have been used, I have been insulted and taken advantage of. Yet, here I am, still trying to love people and at this current time, I can happily say I have successfully brought the rough edges of my ticker back together to make a wiggly lumpy heart like-thing that somewhat crudely resembles my old ‘perfect’ one.

Some people say that ignorance is bliss, but I must ask what is wrong with bliss? What is wrong with saying no, I actually want to skinny trophy at the end of the maze, I want the best chip on the plate, I want that particular seat on the sofa. When you have tried so hard when you have conquered so much and tried your best for so long, what is wrong with saying no?

I am not a victim of my own brain, nor am I a victim to anyone else’s.

As I conclude to my ramblings, I would like to illustrate this. Always try your best but just bear in mind that everybody’s best is different. You can’t always be the best at everything you do but if you have tried your best then you can be content in your efforts.

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